When I became a Christian that too left me on a vacation from the ridiculous feeling that haunts me, a year in a half later the feeling came back, with a dose of doubt, and a heavy burden of guilt on my heart.
Just recently over the course of 8 months I thought I might have beat the ridiculous feeling, I was optimistic, nothing brought me down, and I was pretty much on my A game in life, I developed awesome friendships with awesome people. Life was indeed swell, but then circumstances presented themselves and before you know it, anxiety was back.. and it brought more of itself to just crash my party I call life..
Again, it was a progressive move in, it pulled its U-haul in and totally unloaded all its symptoms onto me. No longer was I the person I once was, I felt totally changed, my self esteem has shot craps, I wake up in the morning with a sense of no direction, a fear of the day itself, and what it presents, I have lost relationships with friends.. when I battle it..fight it..often it wins.. and I am left speechless.. alone.. hopeless.. The simplest of tasks become harder and harder everyday, people notice, I've even been called out on it from people I barely even know..
Focus is gone, hobbies are gone, grace unto myself has vanished.. I only have the sleek company of the anxiety that chains my mind into the ground.
Well I've had enough.. life is to short.. so I will begin my climb back up to personal self, to get in touch with who I truly am as a person, and to finally foreclose on the anxiety that has moved deep into my soul.. I'm though living this way.. Ive ran plenty of times before.. but now its time for Anxiety to get the hell out of my life..
This blog is just a personal tracksheet of how I plan on getting Anxiety out of my life, and it starts tomorrow. Until then. Cheers
